


Nargles & Neruda

by BelladonnaInBloom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Hermione Granger, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/F, Ginny Weasley is a Good Friend, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter Friendship, Hermione Smut, Lesbian Hermione Granger, Lesbian Luna Lovegood, Lesbian Sex, Love Triangles, Minor Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, POV Hermione Granger, Post-Canon, Post-War, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-26 19:36:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20395036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BelladonnaInBloom/pseuds/BelladonnaInBloom
Summary: The year after the war, Hermione returns alone to finish her last year at Hogwarts and nothing seems to be going as planned.  With Ron in London and Hermione back in school, it seems like they make less and less sense together every day.  As she struggles with processing the effects of the war, Hermione takes comfort in the unexpected friendship of Luna Lovegood who shows her that maybe the life she had planned isn’t the one that she wants after all.





	1. Gotta Get Back To Hogwarts

The sultry summer air crept in the window with all its usual expectations. Hermione had felt the sticky heat of a dying summer from the window of the Hogwarts Express six times before and every time it had felt wild and intoxicating in everything it promised. This year, however, it felt oppressive, as if the promise held more pressure than hope. 

“Hey, Ginny! Hey, Hermione!” Dean Thomas strode into their previously empty compartment. “Wasn’t sure I’d see you this year Hermione. Ron and Harry here too?” He asked anticipatorily. 

“No. They decided not to come back to Hogwarts. They’re both starting Auror training with the Ministry,” Hermione replied. She was barely able to conceal her disapproval that the boys had used their fame to get out of their last year at Hogwarts. She couldn’t blame the Ministry for allowing it, but it felt like cheating to her. There wasn’t any excuse for cutting corners, war heroes or not.

_C’mon Hermione, we’re shoo-ins. We’re the most famous people in the country right now. Even if you don’t want to be an Auror, you could get any job you wanted! What are we going to get out of another year dozing off in History of Magic?_ Ron had asked her during one of their many fights on the subject. Hermione was aghast that he could feel this way, and more so that he thought she should agree with him. 

“I can’t lie and say I’m not jealous that they don’t even have to take their N.E.W.T.’s and they already have jobs most people have to fight over. But of course, the Ministry can hardly say they’re not qualified, now can they? Not after all the three of you have done,” Dean said with a jovial laugh. “Wonder that you came back without them Hermione, but you always were the good one.” Before Hermione had time to reply, someone shouted, “Dean!” from down the train and with a “Catch you later,” he was gone.

Ginny could see that Hermione was annoyed with what Dean had said. “Hey, don’t listen to him, Hermione. I think it’s great that you’ve come back. I would have been lonely without you.”

Hermione smiled gratefully at her friend. “Thanks, Ginny,” she said as she tried to push thoughts of Ron’s remarks out of her head.

Not minutes later, another familiar face poked itself into their compartment. “Hello Ginny, Hermione, may I join you?” Luna asked. She looked just as delirious and delectably out of place as always. 

“Of course, Luna,” Ginny said, sliding towards the window to make room for Luna. 

“How was your summer?” Hermione asked. 

“Oh, it was very busy. As Hermione knows, the house was all but destroyed last year, so there was plenty of work to rebuild. We made progress, but Dad will still have to finish up while I’m at school this year.” Luna said all of this plainly as if it caused her no pain, but it made Hermione flinch at the memory and Ginny squirmed slightly with discomfort. 

“Well, that’s wonderful that you’ve made progress,” Ginny said and tried to divert the conversation to something more pleasant. “It’s going to be strange having Hermione in the same year as us this time around. Guess there goes any hope of being top of the class,” Ginny joked. 

Luna smiled faintly and said, “Are Harry and Ron back as well?” She looked around her as if they might have been hiding under a seat all this time and she simply hadn’t noticed. 

“No, they’re both working at the Ministry now… Auror training” Hermione said. She was sensing that this would be an incessant question for the first few days of classes. 

“That’s nice, I suppose,” Luna said unenthusiastically. Luna thought little of most organizations so it wasn’t shocking that she found Ministry jobs relatively unimpressive. Hermione found Luna’s blasé attitude towards the boy’s path refreshing. So far, she was the only person who hadn’t looked at her as if she was mad to be here. Although, Hermione wasn’t sure how much of a relief it was to find out Luna was the only one here who found her sane.

***

Hermione walked into Hogwarts with trepidation. You can’t go home again, or so they say. She worried that the sentiment might prove true. After all, the Hogwarts that she was entering was so very changed from the one that she had left. But as the evening’s traditions played out one by one, she realized that her home had changed, but it was still her home. 

“What does your day look like tomorrow?” Ginny asked as she unpacked her overstuffed trunk into her wardrobe. 

“Oh, I have double Potions first thing in the morning and Ancient Runes after that. Then in the afternoon, I have Herbology,” Hermione rattled off without even glancing at her schedule. 

Ginny raised her eyebrows in amusement and picked up Hermione’s schedule to see for herself. “Well, you’ve certainly kept yourself busy, that’s for sure.” Hermione smiled and snatched her schedule back. “Between Quidditch and N.E.W.T. s I doubt I’ll be getting any sleep this year either.”

“I’m sure you’ll manage,” Hermione said supportively. 

“Here’s hoping,” Ginny said with a laugh. After a moment’s silence, Ginny asked, “Is it strange for you to be back?”

“A bit. But really, it feels like I never left, which is strange in and of itself,” Hermione said truthfully. 

“It seems odd that life just goes on after it all, but I suppose it always does,” Ginny said with accepting honesty. “Well, I’ll at least start out this year by getting a goodnight’s sleep. Goodnight Hermione.” 

***

  
_Dear Hermione,_

_I can pretty much guarantee that Ron and I won’t write as often as you’d like us to this year, but I’m at least going to start off right. We’re leaving in two days for London to settle in and then the Ministry the day after that. I’m not sure what I should expect at this point._

_Ron is clearly more nervous than he’s letting on and getting pretty annoyed with Mrs. Weasley for fussing over all the details. Between the two of them, it’s quite a show at the Burrow. _

_It feels a bit like going to Hogwarts for the first time really. Same as back then, I’m not very sure what I’m getting myself into and I just hope that I don’t have to wrestle a troll. _

_Hope your first day goes well. Say hello to McGonagall for me!_

_Harry_

_Hey Hermione!_

_Sorry mine’s a day later than Harry’s, it’s been crazy around here. Honestly, I think Mum might have a fit checking everything and then checking again. You’d think we were going to the moon instead of London. I keep telling her that it’ll be fine, it’s only training after all, but you know Mum. _

_Anyway, I’ll write to tell you everything about London as soon as we’re there. _

_Since you probably want the exact opposite from me out of this extra year, I hope they give you lots of homework and all of your classes are impossibly difficult! _

_Love,  
Ron_


	2. The sight of a thestral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione has taken to wandering around the castle grounds early in the morning before most of its inhabitants have started to stir. One morning, she finds that she's far from alone in the dewy air when she runs into Luna and the herd of Hogwarts thestrals.

It was early still, only seven in the morning on a Saturday. The castle was deadly silent as both students and teachers dozed in their beds, lulled into a heavy sleep by the intoxicating, thickly scented air of fall. Hermione, on the other hand, had taken to rising early on Saturdays to walk outside while the grounds were still quiet. She had come to value her alone time more than ever lately and it was often hard to come by. 

There was a bite in the air that whispered of autumn’s arrival. Hermione pulled her scarf tighter around her neck as she set off across the grass, which was coated with chilly, wet dew. 

She found her feet drawn to the edge of the forest and she meandered through the shallow trees, wandering aimlessly over the same ground and the same thoughts. Behind her, she heard the crack of a twig in the nearby grove of trees. She whipped around with her heart racing, only to see a thestral passing through the forest beside her. She breathed a sigh of relief. This was not the first time she had seen the thestrals of course. She saw them pulling her carriage on her first night back. 

The sight of these animals brought a mixture of complicated emotions to her mind. One could not help but look upon a thestral without recollecting the death which had made the creature visible. An unprecedented number of students were able to see the thestrals this year, and a silence had fallen over the carriages as they each fell into their own reflections. 

But Hermione wasn’t only thinking about the war. The thestrals made Hermione think of the carriage ride in her fifth year. She had heard Harry and Luna discuss the animals that only they could see and she had thought them both mad. To think that there was something right in front of her that she could not see - that she had not read about- was disturbing to her. It made her fearful of everything else that she may have overlooked. That’s the thing about flaws found in one’s belief system. No matter how small the flaw, it awakens the possibility of other flaws. A single mistake shows fallibility. The thestrals had always reminded her of this and she contemplated not the lives of the fallen, but the knowledge that she could not find in books, but only through experience.

Hermione looked beyond the thestral in front of her to see many more of them gathered deeper in the trees. But the thestrals were not alone, among the gray scales was a shimmer of white-blonde hair and two nimble, pale hands retrieving apples from a canvas bag.

“Luna?” Hermione said approaching her.

“Oh, hello, Hermione,” Luna said warmly.

“I’m not used to running into anyone else out here so early in the morning,” Hermione observed, although she was not upset to have someone to bring her out of her gloomy thoughts.

“I sometimes like to come out to the thestrals before it’s too warm. They prefer the cool air, you know” Luna said tossing another apple.

“Do you come to see them often?” Hermione asked.

“Oh yes. So few students know that they exist, and the few who do would rather not look at them. I suppose they don’t like what the thestrals remind them of,” Luna said. “But with so few companions, I think that they get a bit lonely.”

Hermione tentatively stroked a thestral that approached her and it nuzzled its head against her arm. “I could never see them before this year. Not until Fred, and Lupin, and my par…” Hermione stopped herself from saying “parents.” She had come to think of her parents as dead, although she knew, of course, they were not. Luna listened with an air of interest at Hermione’s abrupt silence, but she did not say anything. “I can understand why people don’t like to look at them,” Hermione said. “How is it that you don’t mind Luna? Don’t they remind you of your mother?”

“Of course they do. They will always remind you of the people that you’ve lost and the grief that it brought you. But I don’t think it’s healthy to push that away and hope that it will disappear, do you?” Luna asked. “ Whether you look at the thestrals or not, your grief will be there. It seems better to sit with it purposefully at times than to ignore it and let it decide when to visit.”

“You have a point,” Hermione said thoughtfully. A minute of silence passed as they each fed the thestrals and stroked the ones most comfortable with humans. 

“Have your parents died?” Luna asked, breaking the silence. 

“No. I… when I left with Harry during the war, I obliviated their memory of me and relocated them to keep them safe. They’re still out there, but they have no memory of me. I know that they aren’t dead, but sometimes I think of them that way.” Luna listened attentively as Hermione spoke. She hadn’t voiced any of this to Ron or Harry and suddenly she couldn’t stop from saying it all. “I know that it sounds awful of me to say this, but sometimes I think it would be easier if they were dead. At least I would know how to handle that. There would have been a funeral, there would have been a grave to visit. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do in this situation. How do you mourn someone who’s still alive?” Hermione asked as much to herself as to Luna.

“I’m so sorry Hermione. I had no idea that you were going through all of this. You must miss them terribly.” Luna moved closer to Hermione and placed her hand over Hermione’s own. “Can the spell not be reversed?” Luna asked.

Hermione shook her head, “I’ve tried.” Luna tentatively put her arm around Hermione in comfort. Hermione gratefully leaned into her. 

“I have an idea of something that might help you,” Luna said quietly. Hermione was silently listening. “In some communities, a witch might plant a willow tree as a sort of living memorial to the loss of a loved one. It can symbolize the rejuvenation of life. And it could serve as a sort of headstone for you to visit and place offerings on as you would with a grave.”

A single tear broke free from Hermione’s eyes. “Luna, that’s a beautiful thought thank you. I would like to do that very much.”

They found a spot near to them with enough open space and Luna conjured a small sapling. They dug a space for the roots to be placed in the earth and when it was ready, Luna said, “would you like to say anything?”

“I’m not sure what to say,” said Hermione honestly. Emotion was stinging at her throat, forcing her into silence. “Would you say something?”

Luna nodded and thought for a moment. “I ask the earth to protect this tree and let it grow tall. Let it receive the love for Mr. and Mrs. Granger, although they are no longer in our lives. Bring it the strength, bravery, and goodness that they brought to Hermione in their times.” Through a stream of silent tears, Hermione lowered the roots into the ground and packed the earth around the base of the tree. Luna conjured a wreath of flowers and lay it at the ground before it. Hermione conjured one of her signature blue flames and set it before the wreath. 

She leaned into Luna again and let her tears fall when they came.

***

__  
_Hermione,_  
_Sorry it’s been a while. The flat looks pretty good, considering that it was left up to me and Ron. But all jokes aside, I think you would approve. _

_The first few days of training have gone well. Everyone else is a few years older than us so I don’t know anyone here besides Ron. _

_Honestly, I can’t wait for the press to die down. It seems like there’s always someone hanging around the Ministry with a camera or trying to invite us to some event. You know I don’t enjoy that kind of thing, but I also know how it would look if we didn’t show. _

_Ron seems to enjoy all the Ministry events at least, or at least the ones with free drinks. Well, you remember that from this summer. I’m sure even that perk will wear off after a while, but for now, there’s nothing I can do but go. Be grateful you have some distance from it. _

_Hope your NEWT classes aren’t working you too hard!  
Harry_

  


_Hey Hermione!  
Before you get mad, I’m sorry I didn’t write sooner. I know I said I would as soon as we got here, but you wouldn’t believe how busy they’ve kept us. Me and Harry are at the Ministry all day and then out every other night for some publicity thing or another. Hope you’ve been checking your Prophet since Harry and I always seem to make the Magical Society pages at least. _

_Training has been great so far, basic stuff mostly. Harry and I have a bit of an edge at this point. Seems a bit unfair to the others, really, but what can you do?_

_Your schedule sounds awful, by the way. I definitely don’t envy you that. _

_I was thinking, you should try to get out here some weekend, let off a little steam. They can hardly punish you at this point, right? Think about it. _

_Love, _  
_Ron_  



	3. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione heads out into the woods on another early morning stroll, only this time, she's looking for someone in particular...

Another week came and went at Hogwarts. The air was seven days crisper and icier as fall made its slow descent. The soft rays of early morning sunlight cast golden halos on the plants below as Hermione waded through the outer forest groves, as had become her ritual. Although today, she could not pretend to be as aimless as usual. Today she was seeking a destination.

In the next clearing over, Hermione spotted a silver gleam and knew it to be the unmistakable color of sunlight shining onto the hair of Luna Lovegood. She felt an instant happiness to see Luna so close, and a twinge of nervousness deep within her that caught her off guard.

She shook her head at this unexpected shyness and quickened her step, “Good morning, Luna,” Hermione called out gently.

Luna looked as if she had been roused from a deep meditation, but did not seem to mind. “Oh, hello, Hermione. I was hoping to run into you again today.” Hermione smiled at her words and felt a slight blush rise to her cheeks. “Have you come to visit the altar?”

“Yes, partially,” Hermione said, “but I also just fancied a walk.” Hermione hesitated, wanting to say that she had already found she had come to visit. Luna smiled but didn’t say anything. She stood looking at Hermione, her gaze as inscrutable as always. 

“What are you doing out here so early in the morning? It doesn’t look like you’re seeking out the thestrals.” Hermione asked.

“Oh, I’m practicing my levitation charms. I needed a bit of clear space in case it goes wrong and I fling something too high into the air,” Luna said casually.

“Levitation charms? But Luna, you can levitate objects with perfect control, I’ve seen you do it.”

“I know that I can do it with a wand and a charm. I’m working on wandless magic, it’s the way all ancient magics were performed you know. Witches of those times learned to channel their power only through their own hands and their own wills,” Luna said.

Hermione just looked at her a little confused. She’d seen a few older witches and wizards perform magic without wands, but it was mostly small charms. She couldn’t imagine it being a replacement for wands across the board. Instinctively, she was about to give facts regarding wands and their effectiveness at channeling magic when Luna continued.

”I see that you’re looking at me quite skeptically, but if you don’t mind my saying so, you know that I’m correct.” Hermione arched her one eyebrow up to her hairline at the unassuming cockiness. "Consider the magic of children. Children under eleven are perfectly capable of executing their wills through magic without ever being given a wand. They simply set their intention and will it into being. Only we don’t teach witches and wizards to hone these skills, we make them reliant on wands. It’s most likely a long-standing conspiracy between the Ministry and the wand manufacturers,” Luna nodded significantly. Hermione had to admit, Luna made a convincing point, at least up until the end bit.

“That’s really interesting Luna. To tell you the truth, I’d never really considered it. What made you decide to embark on wandless magic?” Hermione asked.

“Well actually, I thought of it in the cellar of Malfoy Manor. I thought it was quite ridiculous that there were four magical humans completely stuck down there simply because we had lost our wands. Yet that fine elf was able to transport us out, simply through the magic within himself. It seems that we must also be capable of such things, if only we put our minds to it,” Luna recounted this tale quite emotionlessly, although Hermione winced slightly at the memory. 

Hermione sat down next to Luna and said, “have you had much luck with it so far?”

“Not much, but I’ve only just started. I find I don’t quite know how to control what I make happen. It can be a bit explosive,” Luna said. 

“Do you mind if I join you? I don’t know that I want to start practicing without my wand, but I’ve been trying to improve my silent charms this year,” Hermione asked.

“Of course, I don’t mind,” Luna smiled at Hermione with such genuine warmth that Hermione felt an uncontrollably wide smile come to her face in response.

“Brilliant,” Hermione said and they both sat down to practice.

“It’s said that witches tend to be more proficient at wandless charms than wizards, you know. Really, it makes sense, the wand is a very phallic symbol and the concept of disarmament is really just a representation of castration,” Luna said matter-of-factly.

Hermione stared at her for a moment and broke out into a fit of uncontrolled giggles at the thought of her wand as some disembodied penis. Once thought of that way, she considered that wandless charms might just be the way to go after all. 

The two young women sat in such merriment feeling like the morning was infinite beneath the gentle shade of the forbidden trees. Hermione laughed, but really once the laughter subsided, she could see the appeal of realizing that if your magic is within you, you could never truly be disarmed.

***

  
__  
_Dear Hermione,_  
_Glad to hear that your silent charms are going so well! I definitely still struggle with that, so you’ll have to give me some tips when you’re on break._

_Training is still going well, but it definitely feels more like a class than it used to. We’ve gotten into some pretty serious stuff. _

_Just a heads up, if you don’t usually skip the Mag. Soc. pages in the Prophet, you should tomorrow. Ron got into some ridiculous argument with Blaise Zabini at the Leaky Cauldron last night. Zabini made some daft comment to Ron and Ron just lost it. _

_Apparently, Ron is pretty upset about all the ‘neutral’ Slytherins that didn’t get thrown into Azkaban. And whatever you do, don’t mention Draco being free. Ron seems to think that they’re all about to start a Death Eaters 2.0, which seems pretty unlikely to me. _

_I probably shouldn’t have said all that, but I needed to tell someone. I’ve certainly been hearing plenty about it myself._

_Best,  
Harry_

_Hermione, _

_Training has gotten into some of the tough stuff, so it’ll be a challenge for some of the other blokes, I reckon. They’ve given us quite a few books and reading assignments to ‘understand the context of species relations’ or some nonsense. It feels almost like I’m back at Hogwarts with you (see, I told you that you’d love it here). Almost wishing that I’d paid more attention to Binns when I had the chance. _

_This would be way better if you could just explain it all to me and then I wouldn’t need this book at all. _

_Love,  
Ron_

__


	4. A Head Full Of Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione gets a letter from Ron telling her to meet him in the Gryffindor Common Room. At first, Hermione is excited to talk to him but the evening quickly derails when Ron shows up tipsy and ready to bring up old fights.

Hermione heard the familiar flutter of wings approaching over her shoulder. She looked up to see a tawny owl with a small note tied to its foot.

_Meet me in the common room at Midnight – Ron _

Hermione smiled to herself. Ron hadn’t been writing as often as she’d have liked, not that she found his flippant, haphazard communication very surprising. That he wanted to talk to her tonight excited her. She had been dying to tell him about how her silent charms had been going and equally curious to hear about his training in detail. Ron had recently learned the same spell that Sirius had used to speak through the fireplace and apparently he planned to use it. One partner’s head crackling in the embers of a fire was not the makings of the most romantic of dates, but under the circumstances, it was enough.

By midnight, the common room was empty. There was rain gently knocking against the windows and the occasional rumble of thunder filling the silence.

Fifteen minutes late, Ron’s head popped into the fireplace. Hermione’s annoyance at his tardiness was quickly chilled at the sight of his face. “Ronald! It’s so good to see you!”

“Hey, Hermione! Wow, it feels like forever since I’ve been in this place. Looks pretty much the same though, doesn’t it? Like I never left…”

Hermione looked around. “I’m pretty sure it’s looked the same for the past 1008 years, Ronald. And you’ve only been gone one.”

“Right you are, my little bookworm,” Ron said with a goofy smile.

Even through the haze of the flames, Hermione could hear the firewhisky in his voice. “Ron, are you drunk?”

“Wha? No, no, not me Hermione. Harry and I went out with some of the other Aurors in training after work, and I may have had a couple. But just a couple,” he added hurriedly at Hermione’s pursed lips. “I’m not drunk ‘Mione. Tipsy at most,” he explained, still slurring his words slightly and never losing that broad grin.

Hermione didn’t say anything but Ron was undeterred. “I’m telling you, Hermione, those Aurors really know how to party. You’d think they’d be such a serious lot, but nah, not when they let loose.”

Hermione cut him off. “So training is still going well, I take it?” She said loudly enough to change the subject.

Ron was thankfully diverted. “Oh, it’s been great Hermione. We’ve been learning loads of counter jinxes and stuff like that. It’s been like the D.A. was back then, but all day.”

Hermione smiled at the memory. She missed the mischief and the well-intentioned rule-breaking that colored her other years at Hogwarts.

But before she had long to reminisce, Ron was off again. “Oh and Hermione, we went to this Ministry event yesterday for, I don’t know, some new department opening up. I honestly wasn’t even sure what we were doing there, but the way everyone was talking to us, you’d think we were running the department ourselves. Did you see the Prophet today? I was hoping there might be a picture of us, there was so much press coverage,” he trailed off in a nostalgic haze. “I keep expecting people to calm down about us, but they just don’t. It’s amazing who kept coming up to us. All these… all these…”

“Babes? Is that what you’re trying to say, Ronald?” Hermione asked shrilly, remembering a conversation she had overheard between Ron and Seamus where he had used exactly that word to describe all the witches who had been fawning over him this summer.

“What?” Ron asked taken aback by the new force in her voice. “No, Hermione. Just people. Important people of all genders.” He paused to see her face still livid. He put on a smile that he clearly believed to be charming and said. “C’mon Hermione. You know I don’t care about any of that. You’re all I’m looking for.”

Hermione smiled, but she knew it wasn’t true. He cared about it very much, and with the way Ron had been drinking, it seemed like only a matter of time before things went too far.

“But c’mon Hermione, I keep telling you. You should just ditch school and come down here with us! You shouldn’t be missing out on all the fun, locking yourself up with your revision timetable. And then you’d be here to fend off the babes yourself!” Ron said with a hearty laugh. But this time, he had gone too far. Not only to bring up the same argument that they’d had twenty times before but then to imply that she should give up what she wanted just to mark her territory around him? What was she to do, stand by him at all times hissing and spitting at any other witch who looked his way? 

Hermione exhaled sharply in disbelief. “I cannot believe you, Ron. We have fought about this how many times now? And still, you cannot respect my decision. Don’t you understand that this is important to me?” Hermione was practically shrieking.

“No, Hermione. No, I can’t understand why. You already know everything, as you’re so fond of showing off. I don’t know what you think you’re getting out of this. I know you love your books and your parchment, but I thought you were supposed to love me too,” Ron said huffily, clearly indignant at Hermione’s anger.

“Yes, I love you. But also, yes, I love my books and my parchment as you said so condescendingly. I want to be here with my revision timetable, Ronald, and no, not just to show off to you. But it’s not just about the classes. Don’t you see that it’s important to me that something still be normal? I’ve lost my family and countless friends, and funnily enough that doesn’t put me in the mood for a rave and photographers treating me like a circus animal,” Hermione said in a harsh whisper, trying not to rouse the entire tower. 

“That’s not fair. I’ve lost people too you know. You’re not the only one whose life is emptier from the war,” Ron retorted.

Hermione was silent for a second. “I know Ron, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to say that…” Hermione trailed off, feeling awkward and uncomfortable mentioning any names in such heated circumstances.

“Right. Well, some of us are trying to move forward. The war brought a lot of pain, but it’s over and that’s brought a lot of good things to my life. Personally, I’d rather focus on those,” Ron spat sullenly.

Tears stung Hermione’s eyes but she refused to let them fall. “Of course you would, Ron. Why wouldn’t you,” Hermione muttered dejectedly. “Look, I don’t want to keep having this conversation now, okay? It’s late and I ought to be going. It is a school night for me after all,” Hermione said sardonically.

“Right. Fine. I’ll talk to you later then. Bye Hermione,” and Ron was gone.

A tear fell down Hermione’s cheek and she looked at the now empty fire. She hadn’t even spoken to Ron about her silent spells. She hadn’t gotten the chance. As she watched the place in the fire where he had been only a second before, she couldn’t help but remember watching him disappear into the woods last year. It seemed she was always watching him leave with a tear-stained face.

She felt like she had to get out of the common room. It felt too small and too cramped. She ran up to her trunk and retrieved Harry’s parting gift: his father’s cloak, only a loan of course. Harry’s note was still tucked inside-

_In case you want to get up to any mischief of your own this year.___

__

__

__

She pulled on the cloak and ran into the moonlit corridor.

__


	5. Mischief Of Your Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After her fight with Ron, Hermione disappeared into the darkness of the castle. Eventually overwhelmed by emotion, she takes refuge in the Clocktower Courtyard. As so often happens in Hogwarts, Hermione finds that she isn't as alone as she had originally thought. None other than Luna emerges from the shadows drawn by Hermione's cries. Under the light of the full moon, the evening takes an unexpected turn...

The castle felt as intimidating as ever with the oppressive emptiness of the night, but Hermione’s grief overpowered any fear she might have had otherwise. She wasn’t sure where she was going, but she didn’t care. She wound through the corridors, each place awash with memories. Good or bad, it didn’t matter, each one only made her cry harder.

Eventually, she found herself in the clock tower courtyard, and it was there that she sat down and wept. She wept in anger at Ron, grief for her lost loved ones, and worst of all, grief for the life that she thought they’d all be living now. The cloak had fallen off of her shoulders by now, but she didn’t care until she heard her name softly spoken from beside her.

“Hermione?” Luna said as she approached. “Are you alright?”

Hermione hastily wiped her tears away before looking at Luna. “Luna. I’m… I’m okay. Really.” Luna only looked at her kindly, knowing Hermione was lying but feeling no need to tell her so.

“When I heard your cries, I thought they might be the calls of a crumpled hornsnout. Their voices sound quite similar to human weeping.” Luna looked at her seriously, “I never thought it would be you.” Hermione didn’t say anything in reply. “I’ll leave. I’m sure you’d rather be alone.”

Luna rose to leave, but Hermione grabbed her hand to stop her. “No, please stay Luna. I could use a friend right now,” Hermione said though still stifled sobs. “Why are you out this late?” She asked.

“Sleepwalking. I woke up somewhere near the kitchens, I was just making my way back now.” Luna sat next to Hermione and placed a hand consolingly on her knee. Luna’s hand was warm against Hermione’s wind chilled body. No questions were asked. Luna only sat and waited patiently until Hermione was ready to talk.

“I had a fight with Ron just now, that’s why I’m out here,” Hermione admitted once she had gotten a hold of herself. “He wants me to leave Hogwarts so I can go party with him in London. It’s the same fight we’ve had over and over.” Hermione sighed. “We’ve always been so close, but now… it feels like we’re living two totally separate lives and not just because we’re so far away.”

Luna thought for a second and said, “you are living separate lives, and probably always will be. Ron enjoys glory, I’m sure you’ve noticed. Now that he’s getting it, I’d imagine he couldn’t help but revel in it.”

Hermione looked at Luna. “Maybe that’s what I should be doing. Maybe I should just revel in my own glory, instead of trying to recreate the past here as if the war never happened.”

“I don’t think that’s what you’re doing. This is what you love. The war took a lot of things from us all, but it can’t take away who you are,” Luna said earnestly.

Hermione furrowed her brow and almost began to cry again at Luna’s words. “You’re right of course. And I guess that’s what really bothers me. It’s not just that we’re living different lives, but that we want to be living different lives. I want to be here. This is where I’m happy. But Ron refuses to believe happiness can come from anything other than firewhisky, photographers and witches falling over themselves to talk to him.” Hermione sighed.

Luna shrugged. “He’s not the only one who feels that way. You’re more mature than most and certainly more than him” said Luna. She said so without judgment. It was only an observation, but one that no one could deny.

Hermione laughed without much humor, “Ron has always been less mature than most. I would have thought that by now he would grow up a little. We fought a war after all,” Hermione trailed off. “And the worst part is, he acts like I’m the immature one. As if I’m running away from adulthood.” Hermione turned to look at Luna. Hermione hadn’t really looked at her since she had walked in. Luna’s hair hung wild and loose, shimmering like icy waterfalls down her chest. Her pale skin had a pearly glow under the bright silver rays of her namesake. Her effortless beauty made Hermione blush uncomfortably.

“I’m sorry for crying so much. I must look an absolute fright,” Hermione laughed self-consciously, rubbing at her damp cheeks.

“Don’t apologize for your tears, Hermione. You look lovely no matter what you are feeling,” Luna said with an earnestness that caught Hermione off guard. Luna’s eyes were studying her with an expression Hermione couldn’t quite read.

“Thank you, Luna.” Hermione felt suddenly emboldened by the moonlight and continued, “I could never look as good as you though. All that blonde hair…” Hermione reached out and pulled one of Luna’s long curls through her fingers. Luna’s cheeks blushed a deep red, like rose petals on an icy pond. “And who else but you could pull off those glasses you’re always sporting?”

“The Spectrespecs?” Luna asked pulling them out of her pocket. “I think they would look quite nice on you.” Luna slid closer to Hermione on the bench and gently slid the pink glasses onto a giggling Hermione. “There! You look perfect.” They were both smiling and giggling with an uncomfortable range of emotions.

Hermione was suddenly seeing the world from Luna’s perspective. Donning these literal rose-colored glasses, everything took on a warm and inviting tint. In a way, she did feel more hopeful. 

When she turned, Luna was studying her intently. Hermione heard a rustle in the tree above her and she nearly fell out of her seat. Looking up, she could see that it was a small creature. At first, she couldn’t recognize it, but then she realized that she had seen a drawing of it once before in the Quibbler. “Is that… a Nargle?” Hermione asked in a shrieking whisper. 

“Yes. And quite a young one it appears. Don’t worry, he’s going the other way, I don’t think he’ll bother us,” Luna said as she shook her bottle cap necklace at it. The Nargle seemed startled by the noise and disappeared immediately. Hermione stared at Luna. She felt like she was living in an alternate universe or some incredibly vivid dream. She took off the glasses and handed them back to Luna. She sat in silence for a moment while the shock wore off.

“Luna, thank you. I feel like lately, I’ve just been screaming into the void. I keep talking and talking and no one is hearing me. You hear me. You listen. And you try to understand.”

“Of course I listen to you, Hermione. You’re very interesting,” Luna smiled. “And you’re my friend.”

Hermione met Luna’s gaze and held it. They were both looking at each other with curiosity. Hermione could feel a pulse between them. Hermione felt a spark of longing as she looked at Luna’s doe eyes examining her in the hazy darkness.

They mutually shifted closer to each other, and without another moment’s hesitation, Hermione softly pressed her lips to Luna’s. Luna responded in kind, hesitantly kissing her back. 

But it wasn’t long before both of their kisses became harder and more sure. Luna twisted her fingers into Hermione’s hair, pulling her face closer to her own. Luna’s lips felt like satin against Hermione’s. She was relishing every brush of her tongue against Luna’s own, and the feel of Luna’s body under the thin fabric of her nightgown. 

Heat was rising between them and Hermione felt herself wanting to push Luna down onto that bench and to slide her own body on top of her. She longed to feel the press of Luna’s soft breasts against her own as their chests rose and fell in harmony. But the sheer seductiveness of the image was enough to shock Hermione into reality. She quickly realized what they were doing and where they were.

“We should move,” she whispered. “Anyone could see us out here.”

“I can think of somewhere we could go, but we might get caught on the way,” Luna said, panting.

“I can take care of that bit,” Hermione said, picking up the invisibility cloak.

***

The Room of Requirement was outfitted in a way that neither had seen it before. The floor was comfortably covered with soft rugs and a number of large lavender pillows. The perimeter of the room was lined with lit candles giving off a gentle glow, and there was a hearth burning low and warm at the end of the room.

“Who knew the room was such a romantic?” Hermione joked. Luna turned and smiled at her nervously. Hermione wanted Luna more than ever. They had walked the halls pressed impossibly close under the too-small cloak. She felt as though there had been this energy brewing between them since the beginning of the term. She had barely allowed herself to be conscious of it until tonight. Hermione grabbed Luna’s hand and pulled her closer.

She noticed that the room also had windows tonight for the first time in her recollection. It was as if the room understood that Luna was made of the stars and needed to be seen under their light. Hermione caressed Luna’s glowing cheek and said, “You remind me of a muggle poem that I read once, 'As if you were on fire from within. The moon lives in the lining of your skin.'”

Luna blushed deeply while beaming up at Hermione, “That’s beautiful. Is that Neruda?”

Hermione was surprised. “Yes, I never thought you’d know muggle poetry.”

Luna shrugged. “My dad likes muggle books. He keeps a few in the house that I’ve read over the summers at home.” Luna paused in thought, “I like one of his other poems, ‘I will bring you happy flowers from the mountains, bluebells, dark hazels, and rustic baskets of kisses. I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.’”

There was a powerful electricity between them, and as if unable to withstand its strength, their lips met with a renewed ferocity. 

Luna lay down on the ground against one of the pillows, pulling Hermione down on top of her. Like a wish granted, Hermione could feel their bodies meet, and press against each other in a chaos of fabrics and skin.

Luna untied Hermione’s robe and slowly eased it off of her shoulders. Once free of it, Hermione tossed it aside. Hermione nestled herself into Luna’s body letting her kisses drift from Luna’s lips to her neck an earlobe. Luna’s mouth fell open in an almost moan as Hermoine’s hand slid down the side of her nightgown and caressed her hip and outer thigh.

Luna’s fingers grasped at the back of Hermione’s nightdress gently digging into her shoulder blades. She started to pull the dress up Hermione’s body and Hermione sat up to let it fall from her. “May I?” Luna asked. Hermione smiled deviously and said, “Only if I can do the same,” sliding Luna’s dress further up her thighs. 

Luna giggled and pulled Hermione’s dress over her head and let Hermione free her from the silk around her. Every inch of Luna’s skin was ghostly pale and shining like mother of pearl except for her breasts which looked as if her nipples had been dipped in the juice of fresh summer strawberries. Hermione smiled at the thought, longing for a taste.

Hermione felt Luna’s hand slide between her thighs and she let out a slight moan, louder than she intended. She opened her eyes, feeling suddenly self-conscious, but Luna only smiled at her and continued kissing down her body. Hermione smiled and relaxed into Luna’s grasp. The night stretched out before them, giving them an eternity to relish in every touch of each other’s fumbling fingers under the jasmine-scented moonlight.

***

_Dear Hermione, _

_Normally, I wouldn’t ask this, but I wonder if you could talk some sense into Ron. Remember how I told you about that run-in with Blaise a few weeks back? Well, Ron still hasn’t let it go. _

_He got into a real scrape recently hanging around Knockturn. Apparently, he was trying to wait for Blaise or Draco or someone and then follow them. All he got was roughed up by some idiot down there. He’s lucky that I was around to help out. The Ministry would not take kindly to anything deemed an ‘unauthorized mission’ or in this case, general stupidity. He doesn’t seem to realize that this isn’t Hogwarts and going off alone would have real consequences. _

_Maybe he’ll listen to you more than he does me. It’s worth a shot, at least._

_Harry_

_Hermione,  
Look, I think we both said some things we didn’t mean. _

_Can we just pretend that last night didn’t happen?_

_Ron_


	6. 'Tis The Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas becomes an emotional roller coaster when Hermione returns to The Burrow for her break to see Harry and the Weasleys again. With miles and miles between them, she's felt no pressure to formally break things off with Ron and now she'll be sitting across the dinner table from him and his entire family...

The weeks passed by in relative bliss. The weather got colder and the days grow shorter, but Hermione didn’t mind. Most of her evenings were spent curled up in the library with Luna studying for mid-year exams and stealing heated kisses between the stacks when Madame Pince’s back was turned.

Hermione’s frequent fights with Ron had settled down and their relationship devolved into a calm, casual correspondence similar to that she had with Harry. It had become far more of a friendship in nature than a romantic relationship. Although this was exceedingly preferable than their frequent lovers’ quarrels, this new casualness made it all too easy for Hermione to separate Luna and Ron entirely in her mind and feel little pressure to make any real decision and formally break it off with Ron.

Slowly, Christmas seeped into the castle quite unexpectedly. In the haze of her new routine, Hermione had nearly forgotten that the holidays were so close, but before she knew it, they were upon her. Hogwarts had been decked with its usual holiday cheer and seemed to glow brighter than ever with the rosy light of the roaring hearth.

Hermione was packing her clothes and books for a two-week holiday break. It was a simple task, but it was taking her far longer than expected. Her mind was distracted, fretting incessantly about spending two weeks at the Burrow. The invitation had been extended casually, the way one extends an invitation with absolute assurance that it will be accepted. Honestly, she wanted to accept. She was excited to see Harry again and all the others to whom she’d hardly spoken for months. However, the weight of her decision hung heavy upon her in a way that she hadn’t previously allowed. She felt so dishonest and so disloyal, but she couldn’t tell if that feeling was more directed at Ron or Luna. Even her guilt was terribly confused.

As if Hermione’s thoughts had called her, Luna’s soft knock at the door roused Hermione from her distracted packing. Hermione turned to see her quietly standing in the doorway with her traveling bags in hand.

“Luna,” she said with a smile, pushing her worries to the back of her mind once again.

“Hello Hermione,” Luna said approaching her. “I wanted to wish you a Happy Christmas before I left, and I wanted to give you this.” Luna reached into the top of her bag and produced a small, oddly wrapped package.

Once closer, Hermione could see that it had been wrapped in old covers of the Quibbler and tied with an elaborate origami bow fashioned out of the same material. Hermione took the package in her hands. “Thank you, Luna, that’s so sweet,” she said.

“Open it,” Luna prodded eagerly.

Hermione was a bit concerned about what the gift would contain and whether she would have to feign gratitude over some inexplicable object. She was happily surprised when after gingerly removing the wrappings, she found that the present was nothing more out of the ordinary than a book.

The cover was ornately decorated and it read simply, “Nearly Forgotten Magickal Origins: Rarely Practiced Techniques of the Ancients.” As Hermione opened the book and flipped through its pages, she saw spells and excerpts from diaries of witches and wizards as old as Merlin. Some names, she recollected from her History of Magic readings, but some were completely foreign to her. She was intrigued. She imagined herself delving into it in a comfortable chair in a library nook with Luna beside her and her face lit up with joy.

“Luna, this is wonderful. I love it, thank you,” Hermione said quite genuinely.

Luna who had been waiting patiently for a reaction beamed with happiness. “I’m glad you like it. I thought it might interest you, even if you didn’t agree with it all.”

Hermione smiled and looked at Luna’s dreamy eyes, wondering at the perceptive mind behind them. The gift was the perfect blend of the two of them. It rebelled enough against accepted magical practice for Luna, yet it was grounded in cited references to respected names, albeit ancient names, enough to suit Hermione’s skepticism. It was perfect.

“Oh,” Hermione said with a start. “I almost forgot. I got you something too,” Hermione paused. “Well, actually, I made it.”

Luna looked at her quizzically, clearly expecting nothing in return, as Hermione rushed to her bedside table to retrieve a simply wrapped square box. The paper was blue, secured with a silver ribbon and a tag that read ‘Happy Christmas Luna. Love, Hermione’.

Luna pulled apart the wrappings and unfurled a hand-knitted scarf within. The scarf was a lovely shade of blue with small silver moons and stars woven into it. Near the ends, Hermione had knitted small images of green Nargles in honor of their first night together. It was a little crooked in spots and had the occasional bumpy stitch, but Hermione was immensely proud of it.  
Luna stared at the scarf in wonder for a moment, her eyes wide and her mouth creeping into a smile. “Hermione, this is lovely, you’re very talented.” Luna wound the scarf around her neck and Hermione reached out to tighten it against her skin.

“Do you like it?” Hermione asked.

“I love it,” said Luna fingering the Nargles on the edge. Luna looked up to meet Hermione’s gaze, her eyes were filled with deep gratitude. “Thank you.”

Hermione smiled. She was glad that Luna liked the scarf so much, but she suddenly felt so sorry that they were about to part for Christmas.

Hermione took a breath and said, “so will it just be you and your dad for Christmas then?”

“Oh yes,” said Luna. “We don’t have much family besides the two of us.” Luna paused for a second. “I know that you’re going to the Weasley’s, but if you change your mind, or need to leave, I’m sure Dad would be happy to have you.”

“Thank you, Luna, that’s kind,” Hermione said. “I’m sorry that I’m going to the Burrow.”

“You don’t have to apologize, I understand,” Luna said honestly. “I really don’t mind.”

Hermione nodded, moved by Luna’s selflessness and understanding. _But maybe you should_, she thought but did not say.

“I should be going,” Luna said. “I’m meeting Dad in Hogsmeade and we’re going to apparate from there. He’ll be waiting for me.”

“Me too. Ginny and I are taking the Hogwarts Express, we’ll have to be leaving soon if we’re going to make it. Happy Christmas, Luna.”

“Happy Christmas, Hermione,” Luna said as she reached up and kissed Hermione softly and quickly, like a lovely habit. With an easy smile, she turned and was gone.

Hermione wanted nothing more than to sit and think about this last conversation, but she had to finish packing before Ginny arrived. She hastily stuffed the last of her things into her trunk, only moments before Ginny walked in to fetch her own trunk and leave.

“Hi Hermione,” Ginny said cheerily. “Ready to go then?”

“Yes, I’m ready. Just grabbing the last of my things,” she said, delicately placing her new book into her purse with a secret smile.

***

The two women rode in silence for most of the way, staring out the window at the countryside, idyllically dusted with snow. This Christmas seemed to be more solemn than most at Hogwarts and the train was mostly hushed in quiet thoughts. This was the first Christmas after the war, meaning it was the first Christmas without those who had been lost. Nearly everyone had lost someone of importance to them, and their absence would be keenly felt during the holidays. Hermione, however, didn’t feel like she missed her family more than before. So few of her recent holidays had actually been spent at home, and family traditions felt distant and vague at best.

When they arrived at the Burrow, there was more family exclaiming and hugging them than they could count. Behind a sea of red hair, Hermione saw Harry walk around the corner. “Harry!” she said and flung her arms around him.

“Hey, Hermione! Happy Christmas,” Harry said with a wide smile.

Not far behind him, Ron approached the gathered group. “Happy Christmas Hermione,” he said slightly apprehensively.

“Happy Christmas Ron,” Hermione said and hugged him quickly.

With everyone under one roof, Hermione’s worries began to feel far away. The evening was spent trimming the tree and helping Mrs. Weasley with her cooking. This night felt like she was reclaiming the past, it seemed as if nothing had changed even though of course it had.

Even the most intrusive of Hermione’s thoughts could be kept at bay next to the crackling fire of the Weasley living room, hearing the best of Celestina Warbeck float through the air and watching Fleur wrinkle her nose at any song that she found too distasteful to be borne without reproof.

***

Once most everyone had gone to sleep, Hermione, Harry, Ron, and Ginny stayed up talking and catching each other up on the past few months that they had been apart. The boys were perfectly willing to brag about their new careers and tell stories of their training as long as Ginny and Hermione were willing to listen. Harry was, of course, very happy to be working towards his long-held aspiration of becoming an Auror, and Ron was practically glowing with all the praise and prestige that he seemed to be receiving on a daily basis.

As the night wore on, Ginny and Harry had become much closer on the couch. Harry rested his hand on Ginny’s thigh as he told his stories and laughed at her jokes. Either out of his own amorous feeling, or to mimic the comfortable affection of their two friends, Ron continuously tried to touch Hermione in the same nonchalant ways all evening- an arm behind her back, or perhaps a hand slid onto her knee. She could hardly pull away without making a scene, but she did her best to shift and slide out of his reach.

Hermione got up to get herself another cup of tea. While she was in the kitchen, she could hear Ron’s voice say, rather haughtily, “I suspect you and Hermione have been having a rather dull year back at school without the two of us to get into trouble with.”

Ginny gave a steely, sarcastic laugh in reply. “Don’t be so full of yourself Ron. We happen to have plenty with which to occupy ourselves besides the likes of you two.”

“But it’s been a struggle, right?” Harry asked playfully.

“Oh, of course,” Ginny teased back in a disdainful tone and then continued, “As you’ve probably both forgotten, I _am_ captain of the Quidditch team this year, and that takes up most of my time. I haven’t even been seeing that much of Hermione really.”

Ron laughed a little too loudly to disguise the tone of bitterness, “’Spose she spends her time cooped up in the library as always.” He took another swig of his butterbear.

The tone did not go unnoticed by Ginny, who cocked her eyebrows at her brother and answered rather coolly, “I suppose so, but she spends a good deal of her time with Luna as well.”

“Luna?” Ron asked incredulously. Hermione’s eyes widened in panic in the kitchen. Whatever sense of nostalgic safety she felt from her present concerns drained out of her body like someone had pulled out the stopper. Whatever conversation they were about to have about her and Luna was not one she wanted left out of her control.

She grabbed her tea and strode hurriedly back to the group. “Hermione, what’s this we hear about you and Luna being great friends?” Ron asked.

“What do you mean, Ron?” Hermione said, trying to sound calm. “Luna and I have always been friends.” She sat down far enough away that she would be difficult to reach.

“Oh yeah, you’ve always been ‘friends’,” but it’s not like you palled around together. You’ve always thought she was batty.”

“Ron!” Ginny exclaimed defensively on Luna’s behalf.

“Oh come off it Ginny. I know you like her, but Hermione and Luna being best mates, that’s a laugh!” He laughed, refusing to back down. “At this rate, Hermione will come back in the summer wearing turnips for earrings and warning us all about Wrackspurts in our ears.”

“Ronald, must you always be so unkind?” Hermione said angrily, trying to keep her voice down.

Ron opened his mouth to speak again, but Harry jumped in first, “Come on Ron, lay off.” Suddenly three against one, Ron pulled back and didn’t say anything further. But Hermione couldn’t resist spitting out, “I know you don’t understand my choices Ron, but I wish you could show some respect for any one aspect of my life. Any one would do,” she glared at him with angry tears glistening in her eyes.

“I’m sorry Hermione. I shouldn’t have…” Ron trailed off unable to form any kind of eloquent apology.

“No, you shouldn’t have. But I’m not going to fight with you now. It’s Christmas and we’re supposed to be having a nice time,” Hermione said.

An uncomfortable silence ensued until Ginny said, “I think it’s time that we all turned in any way, don’t you?”. To this, they all quite agreed.

As they went their separate ways, Hermione was almost glad that they’d had a row just now. She’d been wondering how she would manage to extricate herself if Ron started putting the moves on her. Yes, they were still ‘together’ but she didn’t think she could stand Ron’s rough, clumsy embraces after Luna’s delicate hands and satin lips.

*** 

The next morning, Hermione awoke to a giddy Christmas scene. She met Ron as if the squabble last night hadn’t happened. There was a polite awkwardness between them that only seemed to grow with each meeting. With Ron out of her hair, she was able to enjoy herself again and gorge herself on Mrs. Weasley’s cooking. They all exchanged presents and continued to go through every family tradition that the three of them had missed out on last year. By the end of the day, she was feeling quite bubbly and certainly very at home.

Hermione returned to Ginny’s room alone while Ginny and Harry said goodnight, or whatever they were actually doing. Once alone, her giddy feelings began to subside. She started to feel like her thoughts were spinning too fast to concentrate on any one of them. She was still mad at Ron from last night, she was still guilty over her relationship with Luna, and she was grateful for her welcome here despite everything… it just went on and on.

She slipped her hand in her bag and pulled on the book Luna had given her. When she opened the cover, for the first time she saw it was inscribed simply in Luna’s curly penmanship ‘For Hermione, Love Luna.’ Hermione smiled as she ran her finger over the words. She imagined Luna’s translucent white hands writing her name effortlessly. She could see the dreamy smile on her face as she wrote it, perhaps pushing a strand of her gleaming hair behind her ear as it got in her way. Hermione’s thigh twitched at the thought.

I need some air, she thought and hastily grabbed her book and her coat and dashed outside alone.

*** 

The blue flames of Hermione’s signature fire cast an eerie glow over the Weasley’s yard where Hermione sat engrossed in her book. She was almost grateful for the distractions of the cold breeze that blew against her. She heard the door creak behind her and she turned, Harry was walking out towards her, shoving his hands in his pockets against the cold.

“Hey, Hermione, mind if I join in that fire?” Harry asked.

“Of course not, Harry,” Hermione said scooting over to share. “You’re up awfully late, I figured I’d be the only one.”

“I couldn’t fall asleep,” Harry shrugged. “And I assume, neither could you.” He gestured towards the book which was now laying closed on her lap. “Any good?”

“It’s fascinating actually,” Hermione said with the passion she reserved for new information. “It’s all about the practices of ancient witches and wizards that haven’t been continued into the modern era. Some of these witches, I’ve never even heard of before.”

Harry smiled, “something Hermione hasn’t heard of before? That _is_ a special book.”

Hermione cocked her mouth into a smirk at his teasing, “It was a gift from Luna for Christmas.”

“So you and Luna have gotten a lot closer this year then?” Harry asked.

“If you’re going to get on my case about her too…” Hermione started.

Harry interrupted, “Hey Hermione, I like Luna, always have. I think it’s nice that you two are close. You complement each other in a nice way.”

Hermione untensed her shoulders. “We do in a way. She’s really much smarter than most people give her credit for.”

Harry nodded. “So she got you this book. What did you get her for Christmas?”

“I knitted her a scarf,” Hermione said excitedly. “It’s blue with stars and moons weaved in with a few magical creatures at the edges.” She purposefully didn’t say Nargles, it would take too much explanation that she didn’t want to give. 

“Sounds really nice. I’m sure it looks great on her,” said Harry. Hermione didn’t know if he caught something in her tone or a glint in her eye but he looked at her with a curious smile as if he understood more than Hermione had intended to tell. Perhaps Ginny had said something to Harry, she had to be a bit suspicious by now.

They sat in silence for a bit staring at the tiny flickering fire. As if he could read her mind Harry said, “if it makes you feel any better, Ron hasn’t only been a prick with you lately. He seems to be pretty close to the edge these days.”

Hermione looked up at him. "Those incidents with Blaise, you mean?" she asked. 

“That, and well," Harry paused as if deciding what he wanted to say. "The Aurorship seems to have had a weird effect on him. In one sense, I think all the fame from the war has gone to his head and he likes the limelight from it a little too much. But the training has been hard for him and I think he’s pretty stressed about doing well.” Harry stopped. “Those are really just my theories, he’s pretty tight-lipped about it. But regardless of why, he’s been drinking a lot and his temper has been pretty short with almost everyone.”

Hermione didn’t say anything for a moment. “I didn’t know things were hard for him at the Ministry. He never says anything about it being too difficult.”

“I reckon he’s embarrassed about it,” Harry shrugged. “Besides, he wants you to join us, so he has to make it sound appealing.”

“He probably wants me to do his homework for him like always,” Hermione said in an acid voice. Harry didn’t say anything and they sat in silent contemplation, looking at the blue flickering light before them.


	7. All was well?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione and Ginny return to Hogwarts after Christmas. Hermione is about to write a letter ending things with Ron when calamity ensues, threatening to ruin everything.

The group said a tearful farewell as Ginny and Hermione left The Burrow to return to Hogwarts. Harry was leaving London that day too in order to shadow an Auror on some out of the country mission. He said that he couldn’t be reached for at least two weeks. Everyone was worried about him, but they all tried to hold it in for his sake. 

Ginny and Hermione gave one last wave as they stepped onto the train. They pushed through the jovial post-Christmas crowd, found an empty compartment and sat down, shaking off their snowy coats and hats. 

“I can’t pretend I’m not relieved to get away from Mum nagging me about my NEWTs, but it's sad to be leaving Harry so soon. I wish the boys had time to visit up here on a Hogsmeade weekend, don’t you?” Ginny said. 

“Oh, yes,” Hermione said distractedly. It was wholly unconvincing and Ginny cocked an eyebrow at her. 

“Listen, Hermione, Ron’s my brother and I love him dearly, but if you two are having problems, you don’t have to hide it from me. I hardly want to lose you as a friend just because my prat of a brother and you can’t work it out,” Ginny said seriously.

Hermione’s mouth hung open at Ginny’s candid assessment. “Is it that obvious?” Hermione said, thinking of how it must have looked at Christmas with her constantly wriggling out of Ron’s grasp, not to mention that fight. 

Ginny smirked and raised her eyebrows even higher as if to say, ‘yes it’s that obvious.’

Hermione waved her hand, and the compartment door closed. Ginny looked at her amazed like a muggle who’s just seen a broom go by. Hermione was too engrossed in her own problems to notice her friend’s reaction to her newly practiced skills.

“It’s not working out anymore, Ginny. You saw what happened at Christmas. That’s how most conversations end up nowadays. Even when we’re not fighting, it feels like we’re forcing it,” Hermione said. She was choosing her words carefully. She wanted to confide in Ginny, but she couldn’t admit everything. 

“I supposed that shouldn’t surprise anyone, you two are so different,” Ginny said. 

“That’s what everyone keeps saying, but it didn't use to feel like that.” Ginny thankfully didn’t probe into who ‘everyone’ was. “It’s like I spent so long wishing that we could be together that at some point, I stopped seeing reality. It’s like it’s not so much love keeping us together, but the expectation of it.” Ginny was listening intently so Hermione continued spilling out everything that had been on her mind. “When the war ended, I had been so sure of what my future held in store. Ron and I would finally be together. We would get married and have children alongside you and Harry. One day we would all grow old and take our children to Platform 9 ¾ just like our parents did for us,” Hermione heaved a heavy sigh. “It had all seemed too clear and wonderful at the time. Now it seems less like a dream and more like a delusion.”

Ginny put her arm around Hermione. “I know it’s hard Hermione, but hey, it doesn’t have to work out. You were banking your whole future on things working out with Ron, but you’ll find someone else who wants what you want.” Ginny said comfortingly. “You’re a war hero. Every witch and wizard living will be clamoring to get a date with you.”

Hermione didn’t say anything, but she did feel better as if Ginny’s blessing was what she had been seeking all along. It seemed to confirm that she didn't have to lose _everything_ that she had planned for herself just because she and Ron didn't last. She knew now that she had to formally end things with Ron. She had to face this head-on and accept that things had changed. She would write to him as soon as she got back to school.

***

The minute her trunk was safely stored in Gryffindor Tower, Hermione spoke those familiar words, “I’m going to the library.” As she hoped, she was completely alone among the stacks as her peers exchanged stories from winter break and compared their Christmas presents back in their common rooms. The dusty smell of the old books gave her courage like a shot of whiskey. Here, she was in control and could do what was right.

She pulled out a clean sheet of parchment and prepared to write to Ron. As tempting as it seemed to let the words pour out of her, unedited and callous, she knew that it was only the manufactured distance of a letter that made such profusions seemed wise. She decided to choose her words as carefully as if she was saying them to his face.

_Ron,_  
_Please forgive me for the coldness of writing this in a letter, but I wanted to make sure to say this just right and it really can’t wait…_

“I thought I might find you here,” Hermione heard from the next shelf over. When she raised her head, she could see two silvery eyes peering through the books at her. 

“Luna,” she said grinning. “How was your Christmas?”

“Oh, it was lovely. Dad has done a lot of work on the house since last summer. It’s almost finished,“ Luna said, winding through the stacks to sit next to Hermione. “How was yours?”

Hermione hesitated, “It was really rather nice actually. It was nice to see everyone again, to reconnect. I was just about to write a letter when you walked in that --” but she paused mid-thought to stare at an approaching silver sparkle. 

As it got closer, she recognized it to be a silvery-white Jack Russel terrier, Ron’s Patronus. It spoke in a hurried voice, “Hermione, please, you have to help me. I was in Diagon Alley and I tried to follow Blaise Zabini into Knockturn, at least I think it was Blaise. But somehow I got lost and this old crone grabbed me. She took my wand and locked me in here. The alley behind Borgin and Burkes, the stairs back there. Please…” it trailed off. 

Hermione’s mouth hung open for a moment, wishing she would blink and realize she had been dreaming. “I… I guess I have to go,” she said, beginning to run out of the room. 

“I’ll come with you,” Luna said immediately.

“No, Luna. I can’t have you put yourself in danger for me… for Ron,” she practically spat out his name. 

“But,” Luna began.

“Luna, no, please. I don’t have time to argue,” and she dashed off to Gryffindor Tower. Her only option was to get the cloak, sneak off the grounds and then apparate from there. The rage inside her crackled more fiercely with every step. “What did he think he was doing following Zabini down there alone. Trying to be some hero, I suppose, bring down an old enemy. No doubt he was drinking to be so foolhardy. As if just because the war is over, there aren’t any evil witches and wizards lurking around. And with Harry out of the country of all times. So now I’m the one who has to clean it up. It's not like he could call the Aurors, they'd kick him out for this. Not that that stopped him from doing it in the first place,” Hermione muttered to herself, talking in circles as she hurried to protect him. As mad as she had been at him these past few months, she couldn’t bear to think of him hurt. 

She kept the cloak on all the way to the stairs that he mentioned. The last thing she wanted to do was draw attention to herself. “Alohamora,” she whispered and the door slid open before her. The revealed halls were small and cramped. They were dank and humid with the stench of an unkempt potion room. Whoever was currently using these rooms couldn’t be much more appealing than their abode, Hermione thought. She crept as quietly as she could, peering into every room before entering until she saw a crumpled figure tied to a pipe in the back of one particularly small corner.

“Ron?” Hermione whispered.

“Hermione!” Ron said with instant relief. 

“Shh,” she shushed him as she ran to his side. “We have to hurry before she comes back,” she said pointing her wand at his bindings. She quickly undid the ropes at his feet and was about to do those on his hands when she heard the door close behind her. 

“Well, hello dearie,” a scraggly voice said. “Two for the price of one,” she cackled like a villain in a children’s story. 

Hermione whipped around to face the disheveled witch behind her. Before she had time to utter a single spell, her wand was flying out of her hand. The witch smirked from beneath a mess of gray, tangled hair. “Now, time to join your friend here -” but she was cut off by a delicate “Expelliarmus” as Luna rushed into the room. 

The old witch flew across the room and hit a shelf in the corner at top speed. She slumped against the wall, unconscious. 

“Luna!” Hermione and Ron exclaimed in unison. Hermione scrambled to find her wand in the shadows. 

“I thought you might need some help after all,” Luna said simply. 

A sudden swoosh caught them all by surprise as a green potion bottle flew at Luna from the witch on the floor. She didn’t have time to react and as the green smoke flew around her, she went rigid and fell.

“Petrificus Totalus,” Hermione screeched and stopped the witch in her tracks. She ran to Luna, holding her neck, feeling for a pulse. She was breathing, but just barely. Glancing back, she freed Ron’s hand and said, “We have to get her to a hospital!”

She pulled Luna to her, about to run. Ron grabbed her shoulder, “Hermione, we should apparate.”

“Oh, of course,” she said, forgetting herself. 

Ron took hold of them both and in an instant, they were at St. Mungo’s rushing Luna to a healer trying to explain what happened. It was all a blur in Hermione’s mind. 

Ron being pulled to a healer of his own once saying that he had been given a potion earlier which had knocked him out...Hermione being shuffled into a waiting room and sending an owl to Luna’s father...A doctor saying they believed Luna would be alright, but she was still unconscious. Only Xenophilius could see her...Hermione staring at the wall, hoping someone would come out and give her more news...

***

Hermione sat in the hall, engulfed in silent worry. A million thoughts ran through her mind in guilty confusion. ‘She never would have been there if it wasn’t for me,’ Hermione thought. ‘She shouldn’t have had to save me. I shouldn’t have even been there. Why did Ron have to be so reckless and risk us all? But this isn’t really Ron’s fault, it’s mine. I’m the one having an affair. Is it really an affair? I’ve been more a couple with Luna that with Ron. Am I cheating on him with her or her with him? Why am I such a coward?!’

Her frantic thoughts were interrupted by Ron’s voice, “Hermione?” She started. 

“Oh Ron, I didn’t see you. Did you see a healer?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said, taking a seat next to Hermione on the waiting bench. “She said that I was fine. Whatever spell that witch used didn’t do any real damage. Have you heard anything about Luna?”

“They think that she’ll be alright, but they’ve been in there for hours without saying another word to me,” Hermione sighed. “Xenophilius is with her.” 

Ron nodded. “Hermione, I don’t know what I would have done without you… and Luna tonight. I don’t know what that hag had in mind for me, but you know it wasn’t anything good. I only went down there because I thought... I thought I could catch Blaise at something and make a bit of a splash. Once I was caught, I didn’t know who else to call on,” Ron said sheepishly, directly as much of his speech at the floor as to Hermione. 

She mustered a weak smile. She really couldn’t put the hard conversation off any longer. She had to tell him. “Ronald… Ron, we should talk.”

“Can I go first?” Ron said quickly.

“Oh, of course,” Hermione said surprised. 

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking tonight, well really for a while,” he took a breath, gathering his courage. “I don’t really know what we are right now anyway, but I don’t think we should be together anymore. I love you, Hermione, I really do,” he added assuringly, “but this clearly isn’t working out.” Hermione smiled and nodded. “We’re so different,” Ron continued. “I think we stopped seeing that during the war. We had all the same interests and goals then, we all did, but that’s not real life. We’re not going to be happy like this. I don’t know if we can go back to what we were, but I think we should give it a try. I reckon it has to go better than this.” He took a breath and looked to her hesitantly for a response. 

Hermione was taken aback by this uncharacteristically mature declaration. “I was about to make a very similar speech, but I’m glad that you said it first. You’re completely right. I haven’t felt like we were really a couple since summer and I’ve missed you- the way you, me and Harry used to be. “

Ron smiled guiltily and said, “I’ve missed that too Hermione.” He looked off into the distance and sighed heavily. “I’m thinking about leaving Auror training,” he said suddenly as if he had wanted to say it for years. 

“Oh! Ron, seriously? I had no idea. I thought you loved it?” Hermione said, genuinely surprised but remembering everything Harry had said to her at the Burrow about how poorly it was going.  
Ron stared at the floor and shrugged. He looked dejected and beaten. “I did at first. And I really thought that I could do it, you know? I’ve always been fair with spells, and I’ve seen loads more combat than most of those prats on their first day. But then it got hard and again it was just ‘Harry Potter and his tagalong.’” Ron stopped. It seemed like he was talking more to himself than to her. “And if tonight proves anything, it’s that I’m not cut out to be an Auror.”

“Ron,” Hermione started. 

‘No, it’s true Hermione. I have to do something of my own. I heard that Games and Sports is looking for some new low-level guy, maybe that would be a better place for me,” he said. Ron looked utterly beaten, but somehow more accepting and calmer than he had seemed in months. 

“That seems like a great fit for you, Ron. I think you’ll be happier there,” Hermione looked at him and wondered at all this candor. She guessed something else must have happened before tonight to get him questioning his life choices but she would never know what. 

“Ron, there’s one more thing I have to tell you if we’re being honest,” Hermione was speaking quickly knowing that if stopped, she might not be able to start again. “I’ve been seeing Luna behind your back for the past couple months.” She braced herself for his anger, but instead, she heard him chuckle. 

“You and Luna?” he asked. “Well, that’s an odd pair.”

“Ron,” she chastised but realized she had very little right to be indignant in this situation. “I’m sorry, Ron.”

“I’m only teasing Hermione. I hardly have the right to be mad, not after how everything has gone lately. I hope that you’re happy together. I really mean that” Ron said. He sighed and smiled at her. He truly didn't seem mad, just tired.

“Thank you, Ron,” Hermione said, utterly taken aback by how well he was taking everything. If the healers gave him some kind of draught, she would have to get the recipe. 

“So Luna Lovegood eh? Tell me, does she love good?” Ron asked with a snort.

“Stop!” Hermione said giving him a playful shove and fell into a fit of giggles alongside him. She almost felt like they were back in the common room teasing each other over homework and childish schemes. This felt right. This was how it should be.

***

Xenophilius came out of Luna’s room, grinning broadly with relief. Hermione stared expectantly back at him as he said, “Luna’s awake. The healer thinks she’ll make a full recovery.” Hermione and Ron both burst into joyous laughter and hugged each other hard, releasing the tension that had grown so tight in their chests. “She’s asking to see you, Hermione,” Xenophilius said.

Hermione broke free from Ron’s grasp with a small smile at Luna’s father, she turned into Luna’s room. Luna was lying on her bed, looking weakened but as cheerful as ever. 

“Luna,” Hermione exclaimed, running towards her bed. Luna smiled warmly in response. “How do you feel?”

“I feel very tired even though the healers say that I’ve been asleep for a very long time. Other than that, I feel just fine. Normally, I don’t trust St. Mungo’s healers to know much about healing more than a common cold, but they seem to have done an adequate job,” Luna said very seriously. 

Hermione smiled. Luna could be skeptical of the mainstream even from a hospital bed. Luna’s opalescent skin and hair seemed a bit dulled by the harsh light of the hospital room, but still, the pale hand glowed in Hermione’s. 

“I feel so responsible, Luna,” Hermione said shakily. “You shouldn’t have ever been in that position and it’s all my fault.”

“Don’t apologize, Hermione. It turned out just fine in the end,” Luna said, reaching out to brush away a tear that was slowly dripping down Hermione’s cheek. 

A hesitant knock came from behind Hermione’s back and they both turned to see Ron standing in the doorway, looking uncomfortable and awkward. 

“I’m sorry for interrupting,” Ron said in an unsure tone. “But I wanted to say thank you before I left, Luna...you really saved us all back there and … thanks.” He finished unceremoniously, but full of authenticity. 

Luna smiled at him and nodded, perhaps a bit uncomfortable herself. Hermione looked from Ron to Luna and suddenly turned Luna’s face to hers and kissed her full on the mouth. Ron averted his eyes with an awkward look but made no objection. Luna would need more explanation in the future, but for now, this was enough.

“I’ll uh, be going,” Ron stammered a bit and cleared his throat. “But again, thank you, Luna. I’ll stop by tomorrow to see how you’re doing.”

“Goodbye, Ron,” Luna said. With an uncomfortable half-wave, Ron was gone. 

Luna sat there with Hermione, holding hands in the uncomfortably bright hospital light for the hours to come. Sometimes they were silent and others, they were speaking wistfully of what they would do in the weeks to come at Hogwarts. They had plans for many evenings in the library, and brisk spring morning walks as soon as the weather would allow it.

They didn’t know whether they would last until the end of their days. They had no plans for the next two decades full of children and marriage and other ideas too far off to contemplate. But in this moment, they had each other and that was enough for everything to be quite well indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Come hang out on tumblr :) https://belladonnainbloom.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Come hang out on tumblr :) https://belladonnainbloom.tumblr.com/


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